We're turning into popcorn.

Insane deadlines. Insane lecturers. Insane juniors. Insane department...

The essential characters of the play are a crash wreck of personalities.

Naive arrogance with proud experience.

Ambitious fools with seasoned wisdom.

Screaming defiance with pissed-off yells.

Idiocy is met head on with more idiocy, and everyone flaring up in the pressure cooker.

We're turning into popcorn.

I don't want to go to school anymore.

On the other hand...I gotta admit that if degree = all research and no practical? Then this is fun.

Masochistically fun.

I just really hate the idea of writing a 2500 word essay and preparing for my internship presentation. Along with 2 exhibitions' worth of design and advertising materials, 2 individual projects and speeches. HOOBOY SPEECHES. AND ARRRGH DESIGNS. AND ARRRRGH THE WIDGET WHY DID I SUGGEST A WIDGET AM I INSANE!?

...yes I am.

Like, UGH.

And I totally have no time.

Yaknowhat.

Sometimes I think it's all a farce. And I shouldn't put so much faith and trust in any one person.

Because any given moment, she might turn around and snap my head off, no matter how much I've done for her.

Sometimes I wonder if friendship is really worth any effort at all, if at the end of the day, I'm just going to be used and trampled over the minute I become a 'burden'.

Humans are ridiculous. A bad joke.

*sigh*

Unreasonable affliction.

Remind me again why I try.

Remind me again why I fight.

Remind me again why I dare hope.

Remind me again why I get optimistic.

Remind me again why I still live.

Remind me again why I go on.

Remind me again why I obey.

Remind me again of my worth.

Remind me again of my talents.

Remind me again of my existence.

Remind me again... because I still don't know nor do I understand...

Because I do not believe. Because I have no proof.

Who am I? What am I good at? Why can't I ever be good at anything in the first place?

And for what reason... am I left here to continue on...not knowing, not seeing, not believing, not experiencing, not even close to winning?

Because I don't want to go on forever like this. I can't wait that long. I can't last that long. Why can't I just get it once? I'm fine with just once.

Even if it was a lie... I wouldn't turn that away either.

*sigh*

Some days... I really hate myself. I wish I was smarter. I wish I had better communication skills. I wish I had a whole planet's worth of creativity. How is it that no matter how hard I try, I always end up so useless, so worthless, so loveless?

Some days...I just want to give up. I just want to lie down and stare into the blue, blue sky until I go blind and dry up into a corpse. At least that would make Michelle happy, since she'd get excited over the first Malaysian mummy or something. Haha

Anyways. I realize now I'm not just looking for hair, I'm looking for a hand, too. Yay. What next?

To-do list.

Just a simple list of the stuff I need to get done...before I forget.

Today-

• Creative Brief templates (send to Jacky)
• Exhibition 3D star, words (send to Yap and LiHui) and Invitation card mock-ups

Friday -

• Mock Speech Research and outline
• Creative Comm. Project 1 - Button, Divide work. I'm not the bloody leader, and I refuse to be. Period.
• Get photostated copies of course structures from Jacky (English for Academic Purposes, TV Production, Computer Graphics

Saturday -

• (insya-allah) CLEAN MY TABLE!!!!
• Enquire of the following universities (Monash, RMIT, Deakin, USQ)
• Mock Speech Research and outline

Sunday -

• 9 @ Starbucks, Project Scamps
• Lunch with Vicky-chan and Uncle G

Monday -

• Study through widget code library
• Complete notes for WMM
• Hand up Mock Speech Outline

Tuesday -

• Hand up project Scamps
• Study for WMM Test

Wednesday -

• WMM Test
• Begin work on Layouts for Project.
• Experiment with widget codes

Thursday -

• Work on Layouts for Project
• Tie up the knots before leaving for CNY
• Wash and clean out the car

*

AIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

But meh. Here we go. Goodbye, world! I'm up to my eyeballs in work! *grumbles over how I keep landing myself into situations like this*